


Mindfull of Numbers

by TooTiredToTry



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Avengers Feels, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Gen, Platonic Soulmates, Soulmates, Wakes & Funerals, it’s sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 17:34:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19178104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooTiredToTry/pseuds/TooTiredToTry
Summary: I got stuck in Delta Airlines for 12 hours & I was feeling angsty. So.





	Mindfull of Numbers

 

The Red Room was a building that was never a home. Natasha Romanoff was worried that she would always only be Widow. For a while, she was.

The assassin knew 87 different ways to kill anyone she met, and more came if they ever stuck around.

On dark, quiet nights like this one, she’d sit on the edge of skyscrapers and wonder about the 203 different ways she could kill herself.

When she latched onto one human after he was supposed to murder her in cold blood, she then had a 204th way to die: the death of her only friend. She would do everything in her power to protect the 127 ways he could die whenever they went places. On bad days, she found herself guarding him inside areas too. 

When Widow moved into Stark Tower, she bunked with her friend and laid on his floor, staring at the ceiling. After counting all 42 tiles above, she realized that her bunkmate was also her soulmate.

Sexual attraction was never an option for Black Widow, but she knew in her mind that they’d die together. So she never left his side from that day forward.

Stark always poked fun at the inseparable spy twins, saying that incest was illegal, but they all knew it was a platonic relationship.

The Red Room taught everything buthow to love.

One time, Tony had found her in his lab at three twenty-four AM with a single pair oftears rolling down her cheek. He sat next to her in companionable silence until she uttered one sentence, “Please rewire me.”

When the five other teammates sat around her in a semi circle while they watched their own interviews three years after the Chitauri, she counted the 1,476 ways all six of them could die if anyone attacked. When Steve nudged her leg with his foot, she saw that the television was paused and everyone was waiting for her to calm down. Their soothing voices that varied in degrees of baritones made something violently snap into place and she felt at home. The ideology of “home” was a very indescribable phenomena that was too blurred and grey for any human to truly feel the capacity of, but she had acheived it.

She once told me that meeting us was the best, and only, mistake she ever made.

But now, ladies, men, and gentlethems, today we gather in remembrance for one Natasha Romanoff. Not Black Widow, not the Female Avenger, and not the Double Agent.

Natasha lived a lost and lonely life, and I wish that she had had more. I wish she had any sort of resemblance to self identity. I wish so many things for my soulmate, Natasha Romanoff. But life doesn’t make room for wishes. Neither does death.

Natasha sacrificed herself to save the short list of people she loved, and I will always try to tell her that we won. We won, and she hadn’t made her decision in vain.

Please stand and join me, as I send my first message of many to her.

_Natasha, you were never a good person. You did really shitty things and a lot of people hate you. But I need you to find solace in the fact the we loved you; that I loved you. I know you never believed in afterlife, but I hope the honoring your memory will be worth your while. I’ll miss you every day of my life, Nat. I love you, and you’ll always be a household name._

_—————_

Clint shuffled his cards and wiped his face. He was a mess of tears and snot, but no one noticed. He stepped down from the podium as everyone clapped and he looked to the sky.

One day, they’d meet again.

**Author's Note:**

> I got stuck in Delta Airlines for 12 hours & I was feeling angsty. So.


End file.
